Provoking Thoughts
An excerpt from the book “The Left Hand of Darkness” by Ursula Leguin
“The unknown, the unproven, the unforetold, that is what life is based on. Ignorance is the ground of thought. Unproof is the ground of action. If it were proven that there is no God there would be no religion. No Catholics, no Buddhists, no Muslims, no Jews, nothing. But also if it were proven that there is a God, there would be no religion…what is known? What is sure, predictable, inevitable-the only certain thing you know concerning your future, and mine?”
“That we shall die.”
”Yes. There’s really only one question that can be answered and we already know the answer….the only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.”
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.
Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.
Work as hard as you can. If you aren’t working as hard as you can, someone else is out there working as hard as they can. Those people who are working harder than you deserve opportunities more than you do, so stop making excuses for why you aren’t working hard and just work hard. When you feel like you’re working as hard as you can possibly work, work a little harder and you are probably getting close to how hard you actually have to work. Take more classes. Meet more people. Challenge yourself. Don’t expect anyone to hand anything to you. If you aren’t exhausted all the time, you probably aren’t working hard enough.
New painting from last night based on listening to this Mansions On the Moon song… http://youtu.be/jH60HX83KE4
So here it is, flat out and simple…Which do you trust your heart or your head? See your heart will lead you where you want to be, but your head will lead you where you ought to be. But which will lead you where you’re meant to be? See I followed my heart and it led me where I am, but my head is continuously telling me that I’m not where I should be by reminding me of the pain I go through just being where I am.
But I ask myself, what if this is meant? Although it’s hard, although it hurts, although it feels at times that it may not be fair, what if this is truly meant? What if I wait this out, stick with it through all the pain and hard work and it all pays off? What if I can change her life and in return she changes mine?
But then again, what if I wait this out, stick with it through all the pain and hard work and it falls to pieces? Should I care more about me, or about her? Who should I love more? Am I willing to hurt her now and save myself later, or put myself on the line and save her?
In the end I guess it all comes down to what kind of person you are. Am I a thinker, or am I a feeler? Do I plan ahead or do I follow my whims? Do I use logic or do I use compassion? Do I give condemnations or chances, or even more. Which does she make me want to be?
When you’re with someone, make sure not only that YOU are sincere, but THEY are sincere and truly care about you in return.
Here’s a super simple song I wrote and composed over a year ago about fading love/love lost…Came up with the melody and chords in like 30 minutes on the guitar and the lyrics basically wrote themselves to the mood of the guitar in like an hour. Feel free to take a listen! Had some fun and created a little cover art for it too.
Basically I wrote the song with the mindset of how sometimes not all the relationships you experience in your life are about the happy endings, but more about the stories instead.
Can’t Take That Away - Ryan Jay (original song)
Lyrics:
Here I’m lying
we’re growing apart
I know that its dying
the feelings are fading oh so fast
And I wish there was something that I could say,
that would sway your opinion and make you stay
Cause I can’t go on living this way
Always knew that wanted something more
Why did you give up somethin oh so sure
All this time we spent together they can’t take,
Can’t take that away
I know what we’re feeling
is receding, proceeding to disappear
If it dies, just know that
I just hope that, you don’t, you don’t forget
Everything that we went through, all we shared
when I gave you my heart, when you once cared
Cause right now I feel so unprepared
Always knew that wanted something more
Why did you give up somethin oh so sure
All the time we spent together they can’t take,
Can’t take that away
I was listening to music in my headphones when I heard what I thought was knocking on my door. Loud enough to hear through my headphones. As I peered towards the door I saw it halfway open. BUT I CLOSED MY DOOR MAN. I got up to see if it was my brother or dad cause they’re usually the only ones who come to my room. NOBODY WAS EVEN AWAKE. Everybody in the house was knocked out in their rooms. I’m not spooked, I just wanna know who opened my door yo! O.O
THOUGHTspill.01 - Polar Opposites of Life
I’ve started occasionally doing this thing where I just sit and put on hip hop instrumentals and contemplate life and just start writing about things that cross my mind. I call them my freelance philosophy sessions. I find it helps clear my head and reset my brain sometimes. Here is something I wrote this weekend. I wrote it in notepad and made my Macbook speak it to me and put a BADBADNOTGOOD instrumental over the dialogue. It reminds me of the Tribe Called Quest Midnight Marauder voice. It’s not poetry, nor is it a song. It’s simply my thoughts spilled over a dope beat.
